


Do You Want Fries With That?

by averyk4



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Based on a True Story, French Fries, Gen, M/M, crackfic, hux is annoyed always, kylo is scary at driving, like this whole thing is about food, mcdonalds
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-04
Updated: 2016-01-04
Packaged: 2018-05-11 19:19:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,296
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5638804
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/averyk4/pseuds/averyk4
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>And that’s when they smell it.</p><p>McDonalds french fries.</p><p>It permeates their nostrils, tempting them into a cholesterol-laden grave. Deep-fried golden goodness, and it’s suddenly everywhere in the car. They can’t escape it.</p><p>The strangest, most confusing thing about it is that there is no McDonald’s within even a ten-block radius of where they currently are. There is no explainable reason why they’re smelling french fries.</p><p>“Do you-” “Is that-” they both start at the same time, confusion evident on their faces.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Do You Want Fries With That?

**Author's Note:**

  * For [snefrue](https://archiveofourown.org/users/snefrue/gifts), [Tseecka](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tseecka/gifts).



> Based on the true story of the time snefrue and tseecka were driving me home from TFA and the car suddenly smelled like french fries. For the record, Tseecka is a much better driver and communicator than Kylo.

It all starts with the smell.

Hux isn’t sure why he let Kylo drive him home from the movie to begin with - he’s always known Kylo has anger management problems, but to actually experience Road Rage Ren is something he could have lived his whole life without. He fully intends to kiss the ground when he arrives at home, if he arrives at home.

Kylo also doesn’t know where he’s going, refuses to take directions from Google Maps or even Hux himself, which Hux would find only mildly irritating if it weren’t for the fact that they’re going back to _his home,_ and you’d think that even Ren could recognize that there might be a time when Hux is uniquely more knowledgeable than he is.

But no. Hux is sat in the passenger seat of a car in the hands of a maniac, holding the _oh shit_ handle for dear life.

“You need to turn left here, Ren,” Hux tries, voice slipping quickly from mild irritation into actual frustration.

“No, I don’t,” Kylo replies, instead driving straight through the third yellow light in a row. At least it was only a pedestrian he almost hit this time, instead of a semi-truck.

And that’s when they smell it.

McDonalds french fries.

It permeates their nostrils, tempting them into a cholesterol-laden grave. Deep-fried golden goodness, and it’s suddenly everywhere in the car. They can’t escape it.

The strangest, most confusing thing about it is that there is _no_ McDonald’s within even a ten-block radius of where they currently are. There is no explainable reason why they’re smelling french fries.

“Do you-” “Is that-” they both start at the same time, confusion evident on their faces.

“Kylo, please tell me I’m not having a stroke,” Hux asks, sniffing the air tentatively.

Yep, definitely french fries.

“Maybe you just crave that mineral?” Kylo jokes, and in that moment, Hux really regrets ever introducing him to Tumblr. He hits him over the head with his hand in response, and the car swerves wildly, almost sideswiping a truck. Kylo swears at the other driver, as if the near accident was in any way their fault.

“Ren, tell me if you smell the fucking french fries!” Hux shouts, pausing for a moment to consider that this might very well be the strangest question he’ll ever ask Kylo, or anyone else for that matter.

“Yes, Hux. I smell fucking french fries.” Kylo punctuates the sentence with a particularly violent honk, aimed at a sixty year old woman driving an Oldsmobile.

“What the fuck is this? Is this the Twilight Zone? Are we in heaven? Have you fucking killed us with your maniacal driving and we just haven’t found out yet? Must we drive around smelling french fries but never eating them for all eternity?” Hux’s voice ramps up in volume, going from regular shouting to hysteria, and that’s when Kylo starts laughing, which really doesn’t help matters - or his driving.

He keeps laughing as he makes a horrifying left turn, oncoming traffic breaking, prompting a very unmanly squeal of fear from Hux. He swears he didn’t almost pee himself.

He keeps laughing as he drives into a part of town Hux has never been to before, and Hux is quite convinced that Kylo has officially lost his mind, and his body is going to end up in a ditch.

He finally stops laughing as he pulls into a McDonalds drive through, although it starts up again when he looks at the confusion clearly written on Hux’s face.

“What the fuck are we doing, Ren? Why are we here?”

Kylo rolls down the window, leans out into the brisk night air, as if to order. He looks back at Hux, a look of exasperation on his face. “Obviously, I’m here to get some god damn fucking french fries. Do you want anything?”

Hux blinks at Kylo. “What.” Kylo groans in exasperation.

“I. Am. Getting. Fucking. French. Fries.” He gestures to himself, and then mimes putting something in his mouth. “Do. You. Want. Anything?”

Hux still isn’t sure how to process this recent development, still isn’t sure when exactly they arrived at McDonalds. “No?” he replies, although it comes out as a question, unsure.

Kylo shrugs, turning back towards the menu and ordering one large box of fries. He drives ahead, puts the car in park while he waits for the only other car in the line to receive their food. “I honestly don’t know what you’re so confused about. I smelled french fries, and then I wanted them.”

“Maybe it’s the fact that you didn’t think to clue me in to the fact that you were _not_ actually driving me to a secret murder location, but just to fulfill your junk food craving? Or the fact that you were actually laughing like a bloody maniac on the whole drive here? Or that you almost killed me eight times in the course of driving here? Or maybe, just maybe, it was all of the above?”

Kylo laughs again, the sound high and light and such a juxtaposition to how he usually is and Hux is confusingly attracted to him in that moment.

Or maybe it’s just the smell of McDonalds that he’s lusting after.

They sit in the car for several minutes, silently, listening to a mixtape Kylo made because _of course_ he made a mixtape composed entirely of My Chemical Romance. Hux can tell that Kylo is starting to get antsy, tapping on the steering wheel with his long fingers, checking the time on the cars’ analogue clock.

“I want my fucking french fries, Hux!” he shouts suddenly, honking the horn in time with the beat to Helena. “I want my fucking french fries and these god damn assholes in front of us are preventing me from getting them. I’m going to fucking fight these assholes.”

Hux makes a move to prevent Kylo from leaving the car, terrified of what he’ll do if he does, when his seatbelt inexplicably chokes him. He’s yanked back into his seat - hard - wheezing for breath. “What - what the fuck was that? Why the fuck did the seatbelt just choke me?” he pants, voice hoarse.

“Oh, that? It’s a safety precaution I made to prevent people from trying to take the steering wheel. Apparently you aren’t the only one who doesn’t like my driving. I’m probably gonna call it The Force Choke or something, patent it. Make some money so I don’t have to live in my parents basement anymore. Y’know.”

Hux looks at Kylo as if he’s seeing him for the first time, this strange, confusing man who makes absolutely no sense. And he says as much to him. Vehemently.

“That’s the dumbest fucking idea I’ve ever heard.”

Kylo bristles, looks defensive. “Yeah, well no one asked for your opinion Hux. And by the way, Snoke thinks it’s brilliant, so fuck off, thanks.”

In that moment, Hux wants nothing more that to claw his own eyes out.

Five minutes later, the car in front of them finally pulls away, and Kylo looks about ready to weep. He pays for his order enthusiastically, practically throwing the money at the employee in the window, and Hux thinks that this might be the happiest he’s ever seen him.

He speeds out of the parking lot, almost careening over a family of four, shoving greasy fries in his mouth like they’re about to go bad. Through a half chewed mouthful, he gestures to Hux and asks “D’you wan’ som’?”

Hux blinks, surprised that he’s not utterly repulsed by the sight before him. Then he remembers that he’s always repulsed by Kylo, even when he’s really not, so it’s not altogether that surprising.

“Yeah, sure.”

It all ends with the smell, too, he supposes.

**Author's Note:**

> Come yell at me at kyloknightofren or sherlollian on tumblr.


End file.
